:(

I can't cope now. I dont know why. I couldnt get out of bed yesterday. Nick is the same. He's mourning over his grandmother. I need to cry.

YOTS

First off,
I've started a charity drive for "Youth Off the Streets" Its kind of important to me because its so close to home, and I know what its like to sleep on the streets. Its pretty much a Sydney based charity that focuses on making shelters for the homeless kids of Sydney. Theres so many of them, and most of them end up getting mixed into drugs and prostitution. visit www.youthoffthestreets.com.au Its a really worthwile charity. So what I'm doing, is asking people to donate old clothes/toys/books etc, and they will go either directly to the kids, or be sold at Op shops, and all the money raised will go to Youth Off The Streets.
Its really bothering me though, because people keep questioning me about why I'm doing it, like I'm Incapable to do anything to help people. I may not be a model citizen, but I'm actually a pretty sensative person. The other day these 2 girls come up to me and go:

"so hows this buddhism shit going *fake tone*"
"pretty good thanks"
"So, I assume your'e not drinking *look at each other and laugh*"
"No actually, I havn't drunk for a whole month"
"*giggle* thats good, cos a buddist cant drink, its like fully against the religion *rolls eyes*"
"ok"
"Oh, and why are you doing this homeless kids crap? Like you of all people"
"Because I care about it"
"*patronising tone* Oh, keep doing that, it will be good for you... *look dow n on me and walks off*

It hurts, but what can I do? And why should I waste my time getting cut over stuff like that. There's a difference between being fucked up a bit, and being a heartless bitch. I may be the first,to an extent, but I'm definately not the latter

Well, everybody... I'm sending my love
xox
Pip

Ranting and raving and raving and PLUR

Guten Morgen. I think thats right. I learnt German in year eight, so don't quote me.
Im in D&T at the moment (thats design and technology). I've just started preparation for my HSC, which is my High school certificate. Its pretty much the leaving certificate. I want to design something to help out in an aged care facility, considering its where I spend most of my weekends. :S

Family life... Its alrite at the moment, Im getting along pretty well with the folks, and my sister has returned to the boarding school. I have a little bit of a conundrum on my hands at the moment. I was at the shops with my dad, when I saw him carrying his original marriage certificate to my mum, with 2 photocopies. I'm thinking this may mean a divorce is in the cards, which would make sense, but when I asked him he denied it and got all offensive. Mum told me shes only staying with him because shes scared he might hurt us if she tries to leave. I wouldnt mind at all if dad left though, hes a dickhead, and lifes better when he isnt around. Mum would be so much happier. He treats her like shit, hurts her, screams at her, controls her and takes all her money. Hes starting to take mine too... hes a dickhead as I said.

I have my first religion lesson next period. The good news... Im actually interested in studing the different elements of religions. The negative... I just found out im the only person in my class. JUST ME AND THE TEACHER. :S I guess its not all bad. I mean i guess that it will be better for my education. Ill tell you how it goes in my next post.

Meep... I have to spend the christmas holidays going camping with the family. I've just grown an eternal hatered towards camping in a tent. Its not that I dont like sleeping covered in bugs with a rocky floor as a bed, and being totally exposed to the elements that bothers me... Its a mental thing. I've been camping since I was little with my family. The more my family falls apart, the harder it gets. Going camping reminds me of the "one big happy family" bullshit that used to go on. I just cant do it.

Enough for today
Sending my LOVE

PLEASE WATCH THIS

• "Here's to the crazy ones—the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They are not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them, because they changes things. They push the human race forward. And, while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazier enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do."
  This quote actually comes from an ad for Apple. Its an amazing video, and you can watch it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE857DJWX2w

help

School holidays finish on Monday. Its depressing. I start my final year of high school. :S Well, its good that its nearly over, but I cant come to terms with the fact that I have to take school seriously this year. I cant concerntrate.

About Nick... everythings going well with him. Hes sick with glandular fever though. I have a bit of a problem. The other day he told me that I treat him like shit, then I got upset, and he said sorry, and that i dont really. But the thing is, I've been thinking alot about it and maybe its true. I guess I can be a bit high maintainance. The thing is though, that its been the opposite in all my previous relationships. Until this year, I have been an extremely submissive person. Lately I stopped letting people walk all over me and I'm scared Iv now reached the other end of the spectrum. Like I make him wait around while I spend an hour getting ready, and apparently I point out all his flaws. I dont know when Im crossing the line, because arent you supposed to tell people when they upset you, if you want to keep a stable relationship? I dont say anything to him, that I wouldnt respect if he said it to me. Hes Yugoslav, so hes very feisty. He gets tempramental when he feels guilty. When I tell him Im not in the mood for sex etc, he will take it to heart, and if he doesnt stop, so i reinforce that I dont want it, then he will get all moody and say im making him sound like a rapist. Im confused! Also, Im a bit wierd, I have OCD and I do random shit all the time, and get focused and wont stop until its complete. For example, today I found an antfarm kit in my garage, and decided to collect ants to put in it (Im 17, a bit old dont you think?) then I spent hours on it, while nick was waiting in the other room. Firstly, making an ant farm is wierd in itself, but then NOT BEING PHYSICALLY ABLE TO STOP to be with nick is even stranger. I need help!

lessons, my song lyrics and randomness

There are a number of things I have learnt in the past week or so, which may come in handy:

• Murphys law has some ironic truth about it
• NEVER use depilitory cream on your nether-regions or you will be in agony for days on end
• You don't know what love is until it hits you smack bang in the head, and you can no longer think about anyone else. It is unpredictable, and somewhat cruel
• Don't fall asleep with a bowl of sweet chili sauce inyour bed
• You cannot rely on the sydney train system to get you anywhere on time
• You might as well admit to stuff even if you didnt do it, because nobody will believe you if you deny it
• Drinking passion pop or goon (cask wine) may seem like a good idea at the time as it is inexpensive- but you will regret it the next morning
• If you work at a nursing home, make sure you knock before you enter people's rooms, as it is not pleasant to walk in on a 90 year old "beating his meat"
• Myspace remains better than facebook
• Make sure you eat your moneys worth at a buffet, but not so much that you can't stand up
• Im sure there are alot more- but I cant think of them right now

I have some song lyrics I wrote... What do you think?

LITTLE GIRL

Hey little girl wipe your blood-shot eyes
You’re hiding behind all those delicate lies.
Hey little girl I have so much to say
But you said it already before you walked away

And I hope that you’ll be home soon
And I hope it’s not too late
But the sunsets amber and your heart is blue
And if I scream then maybe you’ll wake

‘Cos it’s cold outside
And its lonely when you don’t know yourself
But you talk to the people you create in your mind
In a hope that you’ll leave all your baggage behind
And little girl can I see you again?
Maybe in spring when you can rise my friend
But you wake
And you bleed
And you curse
And you feed
On the promise that life will turn around and scream
I was wrong to leave you hangin’
& I was wrong to forget you’re name
& a chance to see you lick you’re wounds
Is a chance that you’ll soon be sane

My little girl, my little porcelain bride,
You’re mascara is running, and you’re shoes are untied,
When the noose hold you up, you’re stone heart holds you down,
And I’m beginning to wonder if I should just let you drown.

Cos you’re vomiting blood, and you’re bleeding champaigne,
And you’re scarlet lips smudge as you stand in the rain,
And you’re holding the ring, and you’re holding the gun
And I’m holding you’re womb which is holding you’re son.


I was wrong to leave you hangin’
& I was wrong to forget you’re name
& a chance to see you lick you’re wounds
Is a chance that you’ll soon be sane

Little girl, let me read you’re mind,
Let me look at the shadows that you’re leaving behind,
Let me feast on you’re memories, let me savour you’re tears,
Let me consume all you’re passion, let me swallow your fears


You’re lying dead still in a bone white gown,
And you’re high as the stars though you’re six foot down,
And the wooden casket, and the “would have beens”
Are no competition for the way we dreamed

Its a work in progress at the moment.. any suggestions??

This is my best friend in the world, Clare, and me. (she's the blonde one). She is absolutely amazing, and I don't know what I would do without her. I never really had a best friend until I met Clare. Everyone liked being around me for short periods of time, but I was too ADD to be more to people than just a novalty. But Clare is different. We wouldn't be the same without each other. I love this girl to bits and I hate to see her have to fight to want to live.